Surprise! We’re prEGGo!

Surprise! We’re prEGGo!

Before I got pregnant, I swore I was going to wait until 12 weeks to tell ANYONE other than Erik. I know the statistics. I know how many pregnancies end in miscarriage. I have friends who have lived through it. I didn’t want to tell my family and friends and see their excitement, and then have to share bad news and disappointment.

But then I got pregnant. Every single day was torture. I was avoiding my best friends and my family because talking to them and not telling them felt like this horrible lie. It was a bit easier since I lived out of state and didn’t have to see them in person. But it was still killing me.

When I realized I had a trip home planned around the 8 week mark, I made a decision. If we go to the 8 week ultrasound and all looks good, we tell our immediate family and a couple of our closest friends. But NO ONE else can know until 12 weeks.

As you saw in my last post, our ultrasound went perfectly, so, it was time for the surprises!!! And OH, WERE THEY FUN!

First was Erik’s mom. We headed over on Saturday, before our trip to Massachusetts on Sunday. It was just a couple days after Valentine’s Day, so we handed her a little red box that we said was her present. Inside were Hershey kisses, but on top of them, sat a binkie. She was so excited. And she cried, a LOT.

Then came mom and dad. We brought them a dozen eggs, but SURPISE, inside the carton, the eggs said “we’re prEGGo”! She was VERY surprised. 


Later, at dinner, it was time to surprise Sam, Jeff, and Melanie. I created some crafty treats to surprise them. For Melanie and Sam, I got boxes of Aunt Jemima pancake mix. I covered the name “Jemima” with Melanie and Samantha on their respective boxes, and covered Jemima’s face with pictures of them. As I suspected, only Melanie got it. Once she did though, Sami started to bawl. I believe her exact words were, “really?! I had given up on you!” Thanks, sis!

After that, I headed off to a birthday party to tell my oldest and dearest friends. I also shared the video of my mother opening the eggs and we all nearly cried laughing.

The surprises were so perfect I couldn’t stop. Today I told my college roommate Katie and her kids. Katie cried. Rori wants a girl. Dominic wants a boy. I’m with Dominic, TEAM BOY!!!

I have another appointment on Monday, where we’ll order the genetic testing that will tell us for sure! I can’t wait to know what you are!!!!

9W+0D – Baby is the size of a grape

The First Ultrasound!

The First Ultrasound!

We had our first ultrasound today. Let me pause for a second and tell you that if I haven’t given the impression already, I plan to keep it VERY real in this blog. Good. Bad. Ugly. OK, back on topic: first ultrasound. Being so early, and so anxious about what could go wrong, I haven’t felt very pregnant. I do not feel like a tiny human is growing in my womb. Sick? Sure. Exhausted? Absolutely. Pregnant? Nope. But I knew in my heart of hearts, that all of that was going to change today. I was going to lay back on that table, and see my little peanut on the screen, and hear that little heartbeat, and my heart would explode with happiness and I would cry, and there would be this moment of magic, and maybe even harps or something.

Spoiler alert: None of that happened. Now most of my friends have had children, so I was warned about the red hot poker (internal ultrasound for those who haven’t had the pleasure). But none of the warnings really prepared me for coming face to face with that thing. It’s no joke.

To start, my tech made a joke about how she’s been doing this so long she doesn’t even need to look. Fast forward .2 seconds to me yelping and whispering, “wrong… North please.” While it got slightly more comfortable from there, it was not comfortable. In addition, peanut looked like a smudge. I couldn’t tell what was baby and what was yolk sac. There was no sound, so I couldn’t hear a heartbeat, but I could see a flicker on the screen. 146 bpm. It was cool, but I didn’t feel that magic. I just felt so uncomfortable. She needed to measure my entire uterus so she just kept waving that wand around. There were almost tears, but they were not the kind I thought they would be.

Erik came along. He was great. Very supportive and inquisitive too. He was asking lots of questions and taking pictures of the screen for me.

ultrasound

We drove to the appointment separately so he could head to work while I went in to chat with the midwife for a while. That meant my ride home was a solo one, and it was also filled with guilt. Here I am, so incredibly lucky. I got pregnant on my first try. I made it to my first appointment and there is a beating heart. I am growing a human being inside of me, and all I felt on that table was discomfort. Let the mom guilt begin.

I know I’m being too hard on myself. And part of me is still trying not to get too attached, just in case. I know that I’m not some bad, evil person. But I know that so many women walk into that appointment filled with optimism and leave heartbroken. Why wasn’t I more ecstatic? Why wasn’t there magic and awe.

I guess I just have to accept that everyone is different. Everyone experiences pregnancy differently. Everyone deals with fear and anxiety differently. I can only experience my journey, and I can’t compare it to anyone else’s.

On a more positive note, I mentioned to my midwife that while I haven’t actually thrown up, I am nauseous all day and hate the sight of all food and have lost three pounds. She gave me a prescription for Diclegis and told me to start taking one at bedtime and it should relieve my nausea so I can eat again. Oh happy day!

7W+3D – Baby is the size of a blueberry

Morning, Afternoon, and Night

Morning, Afternoon, and Night

Morning sickness I think I could deal with. Morning and afternoon sickness would be a bit annoying. All day sickness is not f***ing fair. It started yesterday as more of an annoyance, then progressed until I felt like I was within an inch of throwing up and then stayed there and is still there. I spend most of the day wishing I could throw up so I could feel better. If I eat something, it subsides for about 45 minutes and then slowly creeps back. I can’t just keep eating all day. I’ll weigh 300 pounds by the time the first trimester ends. And I don’t really want to eat, I just want to feel better. Peanut butter sandwiches are good right now, and white rice with eggs. Ginger ale helps my stomach a little. I asked Erik to bring home popsicles, so hopefully those will help a little.

msickness.png

I’m also dealing with obnoxious headaches. My boobs don’t hurt as much the last couple of days, but they still hurt. And they are enormous. They don’t even fit in my sports bras anymore. I’m only 6 weeks!

I’ve got 10 more days to go and I can see peanut. I’m terrified every day. Every time I go to the bathroom I’m afraid that there will be spotting and I’ll have suffered all of this for nothing and it will all be gone in an instant. I took a second test this week to allay my fears. It turned positive before I could even get the cap back on, which made me feel a lot better. I wish I could fast forward to 12 weeks and start to feel more comfortable. Until then, I’m just trying to take it one day at a time.

6W+0D – Baby is the size of a sweet pea